


Gunga Dunne

by SarahLynnB



Category: The Magnificent Seven
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:39:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22671136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarahLynnB/pseuds/SarahLynnB
Summary: by Josiah Sanchez, with apologies to Rudyard Kipling.
Kudos: 1





	Gunga Dunne

You may talk o’er gin and beer  
On what the Seven have done here  
As you say that with our guns we are too loose;  
But when it comes to slaughter  
We do more than a man oughter  
And you must admit,we sure can take abuse!  
In Four Corners’ sunny clime  
Where I’m wont to spend my time  
A-ridin with a band of hired guns  
Of all Chris Larabee’s crew  
The most injured man I knew  
Was the tenderfooted Eastie, JD Dunne.

It was Dunne! Dunne! Dunne!  
You three-piece-suited target, JD Dunne!  
You’ve been stabbed and drugged and shot,  
And each time it hurts a lot,  
You insurance salesman’s wet dream, JD Dunne!

The uniform he wore  
Made Buck Wilmington quite sore  
And they’d fight about his clothes from dusk till dawn;  
For the stupid-looking hat  
That he claimed was just like Bat’s  
Was always being snatched and trampled on.  
When the Seven would ride out  
Stoppin’ trouble hereabouts  
We all knew the fanfic writers were afoot  
Cause they’d have him sore and stiff  
From being hurtled off a cliff,  
And they’d whop him cause he takes a wound so cute.

It was Dunne! Dunne! Dunne!  
You speeding-bullet magnet, JD Dunne!  
On page one you get run through,  
Then we fret for twenty-two.  
You’re giving us an ulcer, JD Dunne!

I shan’t forget the night  
When we got into a fight  
With some ranchers who would lay us in the dirt;  
It was but a simple ride,  
But the fanfic writer cried,  
“We need comfort! But before that, we need HURT!”  
So before the night’s conclusion,  
JD had mass contusions,  
Six bullet wounds, and an arrow through his chest.  
Plus a bear trap round his leg,  
As we left I heard him beg,  
“Guys, can’t someone else be cute so I can rest?!”

It was Dunne! Dunne! Dunne!  
He’s the world’s least lucky gunslinger, bar none!  
He’s been thrown upon the ground and been punched and kicked around  
For Gawd’s sake, try some ducking, JD Dunne!

Then they got carried away  
With the blood and injur-ay  
And poor JD looked as if he’d take no mo’.  
He’d been beaten black and blue  
And been lacerated, too,  
And it’s all because the writers love him so.  
So I’ll meet him later on  
And we’ll share a drink and song,  
And he’ll bitch about it as his wounds are sewn.  
Tho I’ll give my head a nod  
Deep inside I’m thanking God;  
While they’re bashing him, they’re leaving me alone.

Dunne! Dunne! Dunne!  
You are one unlucky bastard, JD Dunne!  
As they’ve belted you and flayed you,  
By the Watson-Gawd that made you,  
You’re the h/c writer’s Darlin’, JD Dunne!


End file.
